shallow indulgences and a light tread in the deeper end.

or a glimpse into the riveting happenings that is my fabulous life.

Sunday was the last day of the semi-annual animal house survival of the fittest showdown Barney’s Warehouse Sale, which means pillaging through racks of shredded Lanvin and other names too dear to mention for the second time that day. [see: Brooklyn, we go hard] Honestly, it’s awesome finding that rare gem for 15% of the retail price, but in the process, I’ve wept for many a ripped bodice, broken paillete, and stained Balenciaga. As much as I love shafting bitches for 5″ talons and 100% soie tops, something has to be said for the satisfaction of coming away with the actual goods…

Sike, I love shafting bitches.

Anyway, post-sale and emerging with Marni and Margiela [Jil for Dado, zOMG, baby’s first Jil, aw], it was only natch to follow with celebratory caffeine  in the form of 75% foam cappuccinos and baguette slices that are just 20 points shy of the most average baguette normale in Paris. Syndicated brunch food, yay. Something has to be said for the amazing faux Nutella-esque spread, as it was so up my alley that I failed to even acknowledge the marmalade and jam.

Anyway we got to talking about where we are in life, what we want to do and a common decided indecisiveness when it comes to what next. As I continue residence in grad school purgatory, I’ve been considering and reconsidering my options or my wants. My wants — not those material wants characterized by instant gratification — are consistent, but at different moments, they wax and wane. When I graduated, I left college ready to plunder all the riches of the world that is to be my oyster. Also, I was ready to be back in New York in a more valid way than as a weekender seeking sanctuary from the twilight zone. Totes cheesy, but I was ready to savour it without a pending departure looming in the horizon, without having to worry that it will be out of my reach tomorrow, without it being some kind of frenzied speed consumption. So I trolloped around New York with no holds barred, like a little hussy, I steady chased the bounty that it had to offer. Although in hindsight, being that it was Steven’s last few months here, I might still be a little guilty of saturating a short time period with too much NY lovin’. Eventually I became restless anyway, I wanted a schedule, order, a plan, stability. I wanted to utilize and apply my spectacular skills and qualifications. So that’s my dilemma: on the one hand, I’d love to indulge in every Hedonist whims I can conceive. On the other hand, I LOVE accomplishing things. I’ve thought about taking another year off before law school, just to “eff around”. But honestly, I also cannot wait to go and finish law school, so I can move onto the next phase of my life. For real, to be so complex so as to be a paradox can be a gift and a curse. I can’t make up my mind to answer the calls of my reckless, I’m going to do what I want, make some bad calls and have a couple of mistakes, because I’m 22 and nothing can phase me or to be “boring” and stable.

D said he can’t make up his mind to stay here or go back to Asia like he’d planned to do after college. [y’all, being abroad changes your life forevs, seriously] He’s def going back in May to work for this director who’s totally “taken him under his wing”, but he’d gone to China back in the summer with the intention to stay for a reason. Life took him in another job and now he has this totally fabulous job with like real responsibilities that took him back here. So now, “it’s like we’re 30 and expect to have our shit together, meanwhile forgetting that we’re 22 and mad shit is totally permissible in a way that won’t ever be again.”

But then what? I told him that he should do as he please, because New York is so over right now. Get out there and frolick, because New York might as well be Missouri right now, it’s so saturated. Too much social climbing and gratuitous PR egostroking and d-ridin’, too many pseudo hipsters that front like they are anti-institution meanwhile working mad hard to prove they’re too legit to quit [New York]. I am not trashin’ it, I’m always going to love this place and miss it if and when I’m not here and yet I can’t really tell you in so many words why. It’s familiar and strange.

Alors, a la recherche de…quoi?

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